I remember the first time my mom took me bra shopping…it was the last time my mom took me bra shopping.
We went to the women’s underwear department at Sears.
I was ticked.
I remember my mom bought me a white sports bra for when I worked out-which was never. She bought me a peach one, obviously to go with the fruit in my lunchbox that day.
And she bought me a black one- probably to match my scandalous purple teapot undergarments.
I wanted to be in the toy aisle picking out another Barbie doll for my collection.
Barbie never had to wear a bra-yes, she probably should’ve. But still.
I didn’t want to wear a bra.
Bras were for responsible grown ups who drank black coffee, listened to news on the radio instead of the American Top 40, and wore red lipstick on Saturday mornings.
My mom told me I had to start wearing a bra because I was becoming a woman.
Side note: I’m 23 and still refuse to drink black coffee, listen to news on the radio and when I apply red lipstick, it ends up in my ear lobes.
But my mom told me a lot of things growing up that went above and beyond training bras.
She told me to eat the beets on my dinner plate so I could grow up to be strong and healthy. So evidently, I put my plate under the table so the dog could grow up to be strong and healthy instead.
She told me I needed to shower everyday otherwise my hair would look like the oil rigs in Alberta.
She told me that turning my socks inside out every morning did not count as changing.
She told me to play with everyone and always share my supply of sparkly glitter in art class.
She told me to be nice, even when someone stole my swing on the playground.
Now, as one of those boring grown ups, my mom continues to tell me a lot of things.
She reminds me to shower everyday.
She tells me that pretty pink dresses are not an emergency when using my Visa card.
She advises me to pay rent every month and separate my colors from my whites in the washing machine.
And she continues to tell me to be nice to everyone, even when I want fill their water bottles with Heinz Vinegar.
But sometimes your mom can’t always be there while attempting to get through the day as a responsible grown up…or when trying to find a good peach bra to go with my lunch.
As an adult my mom failed to mention a few things that every young woman should know, so listen up girls.
My mom never told me the best part of the day is taking off your bra before bed.
My mom never told me those gross cooties that all boys have is actually really yummy smelling cologne.
My mom never told me what to do when your feelings get caught in a door slam…and the person you care about most is doing all the slamming.
My mom never told me that even as an adult, not everyone will like your sparkly glitter.
And my mom never told me that sometimes people in the grown up world can be mean no matter how much you’re willing to share.
But just remember to share your supply of sparkly glitter wherever you go.
Someone, somewhere always needs it.