The Art of Selfies

Some people call it art. I call it…

iPhone

A selfie.

What’s a “selfie?” You ask. Allow me to explain.

Half Face

A selfie is a shameless self-portrait that highlights a person’s features to appear hot, cute, sexy, mysterious, buff, and secure with their body.

Our generation has grown up in a world where the duck face is socially acceptable.

Duck

The pouty face is considered beautiful.

Pouty

Photos of a person flexing in front of a mirror are attractive.

Flexing

Posing in front of a computer screen is normal.

Mac

And pictures demonstrating a peace sign are thought to be creative.

Peace Sign
You can’t fool us. As Internet users, we know that you rearrange your furniture to get the best lighting for your selfie.

We know photos that appear to be taken by someone else-aren’t.

We know that for the one selfie on your Facebook page, there are a million similar images on your iPhone and Canon camera.

We know that when you’re looking away from the camera in your selfie, you’re actually looking at a pile of laundry in the corner of your bedroom.

Look away

Selfies take a lot of preparation, and we go to great lengths to make “the perfect” one.

How to take a selfie.

1. Buy a camera, iPhone, iPad, Android, BlackBerry, or Mac computer.
2. Put on really tight clothes or if you’re a boy- omit the shirt altogether.
3. Apply an excessive amount of makeup. If you want a more natural look, apply mascara and foundation. THEN you can honestly use the hashtag “#nomakeup” for when you post your selfie online.
4. Find a spot in your bedroom, bathroom, local bar or dressing room.
5. Turn said device on. Position yourself in an awkward pose that you think makes your body’s proportions look flattering i.e. stick out your chest, suck in your gut, and push out your rear.
6. Make sure said proportions are lined up in the camera lens. BUT if you miss and get half your face in the photo, that’s okay. This gives the photo an artsy feel.
7. Pucker up so your lips look like that of a whiny two-year-old or- Donald Duck.
8. Take photo.
9. Take same photo, only shift the angle of your body by 2.5 degrees.
10. Spend a good afternoon doing this until you find the PERFECT shot.
11. Upload your one thousand and thirty seven photos onto a computer. Then head to Photoshop and turn yourself into a Cover Girl by using the “erase” tool.
12. Once you’re satisfied, post your photo to social media websites such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
13. Then, brainstorm caption ideas for your photo. Try using song lyrics, or famous quotes by celebrities like Nicki Minaj.
14. Once you’ve posted your photo, wait for your friends to “Like” and leave uplifting comments such as “TBH you’re so beautiful”, or “OMG you’re stunning xoxo.” You can also try using emoticons like ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ or ;).
15. Congratulations! You did it! After these simple steps you successfully posted your first-or 3 billionth selfie!

Hashtag: A selfie will never measure a person's true beauty.

Camera

True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know you are great, you have no need to hate.

-Nicki Minaj

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About lizzzfraser

I love writing stories-lots of stories.
This entry was posted in Daily Thangs. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to The Art of Selfies

  1. wendy says:

    What’s up with Nicki Minaj? Is she loopy?

  2. wendy says:

    Oh yea. Thanks for the self portrait instructions… I’ll get right on that. Right now I am using my dog for my facebook page.

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