I just turned 23. By now, I should have a husband, two kids, a mortgage, and a pet.
So I once thought.
The closest I’ve come to a husband is in The Game of Life. I look at cute baby pictures on Facebook and Pinterest. I pay rent-sometimes with Oreos. The first time I was asked to take care of a fish for the weekend- it died.
Unfortunately, I haven’t met my goals that were set as an 8-year-old. But I have learned a thing or two in my 23 years of life:
1.Wash your underwear weekly otherwise-you’ll run out-probably on a Monday morning.
2.If you’re going to stuff your bra, at least make them look even.
3.You can’t cheat on a driver’s test.
4.Stretch marks only mean that you’re eating well.
5.Raid should not be used as bug spray.
6.Perfume is not a substitute for the absence of showering.
7.Love people-ALL people, even the ones who make your skin craw-run track.
8.Spin the bottle should not be played with three people.
9.Awkward haircuts don’t last forever-but cavities do.
10.Forgive like you text. Fast and often.
11.Don’t try to pay for car damage with scholarship money….Your parents will eventually find out.
12. You’ll never regret that one extra sit up. Vin Diesel didn’t.
13.When making Kraft Dinner, don’t forget to add water.
15.If you get an epiphany that people think is unrealistic-do it.
16.Your value and self worth is not based on your grades-or the amount of times you failed grade 11 Pre Cal math.
18. We shouldn’t complain about our lives. Some people have never experienced a peanut butter and jam sandwich-or bread for that matter.
19.You should always know how much money you have in your bank account. It’s embarrassing when you’re buying a pack of gum and you have insufficient funds.
20.Money helps, but don’t fully rely on anything that can rip in the washing machine.
22.Don’t answer your cell phone in class. It might be your principal, asking why you have your phone on.
23.Don’t plan your life. A better path ALWAYS comes along.