Remember when your classmates started dating in grade nine? At break you’d see them stroll off into a corner and do what ever it is that they do. They would canoodle in the hallway or play footsies under their desks. I miss those days. Pre social media, couples were a lot more secretive when it came to showing affection. If they were publicly displaying their love in Pre Cal or English Lit, we could choose to look away.
On social media, we can’t always look away.
As frequent Facebook and Twitter users, we are bombarded with public displays of affection. My News Feed has collected several images of couples gazing into each other’s eyes or wrestling with their tongues. I get it, we want to show the world our undying love for that special someone. But there’s a time and place for wrestling.
- Don’t make a “kissing” photo your profile picture. Facebook creepers will judge your technique.
- Don’t write your significant other’s name in your status, surrounded by a thousand hearts. True love can be expressed in little to no words.
- Don’t post about how much you love each other on your wall to walls i.e. I love you so much baby girl, you mean the world to me. People read those i.e. your mom.
- If you absolutely MUST take a kissing photo, don’t take it yourself. Holding your arm out while swapping saliva does not look natural.
- Don’t fight in your status-ever. It becomes a source of entertainment for your Facebook friends.
- Don’t change your relationship status every 30 seconds. It gets confusing for your friends, and takes up space on our News Feed.
- Don’t post your three-month, five day, 11 hour, 20 minute, and 32 second anniversary. When you’re married for over 25 years, sure.
- Don’t go to the bar and bring your camera-ever. Someday when you’re 80-years old, you will regret that photo with the guy and his snake tattoo.
- Don’t talk about your significant other’s perfections in your status. That’s what diaries are for.
- Don’t talk about your significant other’s flaws in your status either. That’s what karate class is for.
However, there are exceptions to PDA on social media. No friend can say no to an engagement or wedding album. Quirky walls posts, photos of hand holding along the beach, or a smooch on the cheek can be hard not to “like”. Betty and Archie costumes are also hard to resist.
Keep it classy Facebook friends. Lets save our naughty wall posts and scandalous photos for our inboxes- or pick up scrapbooking. Remember, once on the Internet, always on the Internet.